Hey everyone – how’s it all going?!
I have been away from writing for a few days and didn’t get to post anything last week. This is due to my inspiration being channelled elsewhere. I have been consumed with the visual arts, seeing a return for me, to abstract painting – my creative home.
For the past year or so I had moved away from abstract and was enjoying creating more literal landscape pieces, inspired by the beautiful Preseli’s (where I live). I was thoroughly enjoying this new painting adventure until I became aware that the activity of painting itself, was losing its lustre. I still continued to ‘soldier on’ as it were, as I had previously decided that I wanted to put together a collection of pieces for Springtime exhibiting. So this is what I must do!
“Do what excites! Do what excites you Anya!”
Well I could hear these words pretty clearly and found myself investing in a beautiful book full of fabulous abstract paintings with an emphasis on mixed media (which is my thing). Well, as soon as the book arrived I was almost jumping around the house with excitement and joy at the prospect of abstract painting again! I’m doing what excites, I’m doing what excites!
Following this initial jumping for joy feeling, It was at least a full month before I picked up a brush and began to paint again!
During this month I looked and looked at the book, felt eagerness, enthusiasm and awe which quickly would change to feelings of inadequacy and overwhelm. I could hear myself saying: “Oh my, that painting is so good, I don’t paint like that” or “hmm perhaps I’m over-reaching, I don’t think I am good enough”.
In situations such as this, I simply trust the process – I allow all of the feelings to flow without judgement as they are all necessary. The feelings of inadequacy and overwhelm can be perceived as opportunities for seeking clarity. Potentially they afford us the space for contemplation, re-connection with our True selves, where we can absolutely make those decisions that align us with our feelings of Love.
This is a sacred space.
The space between holding on and letting go.
It is a space for discernment and becoming familiar with integrity. If we can use this space correctly, we are much more able to make the best decisions for ourselves whilst honouring another’s free will. And of course, the more familiar and comfortable we are with being in this space, the more direct and compassionate our decisions will be.
Whenever we find ourselves in a state of deciding something — of course I’m not referring to the decision on what to eat for dinner — I am speaking more about our decisions that have an emotional charge, we will often find that we create this “second chance to change our mind” to check our motives or in other words our integrity, before we leap! And this “second chance” shows up as emotions such as doubt, inadequacy, shame, guilt, generally fear-based emotions.
So, I am inviting you not only to trust your process but also to recognise these fear-based emotions, as opportunities to check in with yourself.
Are you wanting something new because you’re trying to avoid facing your current situation? In which case, moving forward with your decision may not be the best option for you right now. However, since having this particular realisation, you can now look at how you can properly address what is actually going on for you in your current situation.
It’s a win:win! You may not get to do this crazy exciting thing but you do get to heal emotional wounds, change your story, identify needs that are not being met in a loving way and so on! I guarantee you, that something even more super exciting will pop into your reality on the back of you being honest and open (having integrity) about your stuff.
Learn how to discern between real True excitement – hearing the Call and following that and avoidance which masquerades as excitement and sounds like the call!
Within this context of decision-making, practice the allowing of your emotions and see them as a guidance system. Be open to communicating with yourself and give yourself as many opportunities as you can, to be guided towards re-alignment. Sitting in heart meditation can be useful in these situations and perhaps free writing can be implemented too, with great rewards.
My painting journey is trivial in comparison to a majority of life changing decisions that a few of you may be experiencing right now. Remember though, that it is important to take care of the small stuff too, so that when the big stuff comes, it doesn’t feel so big!
As you know, I am particularly resonant with this person’s information and insights. So, here is an enjoyable clip from Bentinho Massaro’s Empowerment series talking about how we can follow our joy!
The featured image at the top of the page is the abstract piece I have been working on this week, by the way. It really has been all consuming, so much so, that one of my children ended up flooding the bathroom, to get my attention!!
Enjoy your week and speak again soon.
Lots of love
Anya xxx
Anya Ward 